Behavior, and Not a Person

Homosexuality and Christianity

Larry Houston — 2005-09-10T06:00:00Z

Homosexuality and Christianity

q What does it mean to be a Christian?

It is to be in relationship with the person of Jesus Christ. It is not the things we do (pray, read the Bible, go to church), or the things we do not do (kill, steal, lie), not where we go (the church we attend), but who we know (Jesus Christ). It is not the things we do, or the things we do not do, but who we know. Martin Luther talked about being “a little Christ.”

q What are those things that harm and hinder our relationship with Jesus and one another?

· Sin(s) · SIN: not Something I Need, but Someone I Need · Ten Commandments

Hebrews 11:25 . . . enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season. (And so often this season is very short, for sin quickly ensnares and enslaves resulting in bondage to sin.)

Romans 6:16 Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servant to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? (That is why I want to talk about replacing over and above healing and change.)

Warning and preparing our hearts: Jesus' words from Matthew 7:1-5 (take the beam out of thine own eye.)

q Temptation

Temptation is not sin.

· This quote used by many including the German theologian Martin Luther I found very helpful in overcoming my struggle with homosexuality. These may not be the exact words, but the ideal is captured.

You cannot stop the birds from flying over your head. But you can stop them from building a nest in your hair.

· Temptation may be that random thought coming into your mind; sin is when you dwell on that random thought, allowing it to grow roots and producing fruit, becoming dreams and fantasies.

· Temptation is that glance you make with your eye; sin is when you turn your head to take a second look and stare.

· Temptation may be that longing and hungering for relationship and intimacy, sin is when an illegitimate physical sexual act is used to fill and satisfy that legitimate need for relationship and intimacy.

James 1:13-15 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

I Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

James 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

II Peter 2:9 The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished:

q God's Word/Holy Bible

· High View · Let the more clear portions interpret the less clear. · Principles to lead and guide. · God's Word as a

Ø Rule book: more than dos and don'ts but rather principles

Ø Road map: gives directions to lead and guide through life

Ø Repair manual: to repair and restore our lives

q Justification and Sanctification

· Justification is a judicial declaration by God that one has been righteous. Sanctification is the process of one becoming more like Christ. Justification is all the work of God, as a result of Jesus' life, death and resurrection. We have a part in our sanctification the maturing of our faith, being transform into the likeness of Jesus Christ.

· The pivotal point in the annals of time was the life of Jesus Christ, His birth, death, and resurrection.

· Position/Experience

Those who have Jesus Christ, as Lord and Savior their “positional” relationship with God has been made right. But in the here and now, “experientially” our lives may not always feel and reflect our “positional” relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

· Already/ Not Yet

George Eldon Ladd spoke of the Kingdom of God in this world as “already/not yet.” In the first coming of the person of Jesus Christ, the Kingdom of God has already come into this world. It is with the Second Coming of the person of Jesus Christ that this world will fully experience the Kingdom of God.

I want to apply these two ideas “positional/experiential” and “already/not yet” to our struggle with homosexuality. As we do so, we must remember that temptation is not sin.

q Healing/Change

The Scriptures give a very clear description and examples of physical healings. But what about when people speak of the healing of memories and/or emotions? Also Scripture is very clear when it speaks about changing what one does and/or their behavior.

q Application The following song is from Mercy Records. (Vineyard Christian Fellowship)

“Deliverer” by Randy and Terry Butler

Deliver me, my great Deliverer Set my heart free from those things that are holding me Give me a clean heart And a pure mind Deliver me, Deliverer

Deliver me, my great Deliverer Set my heart free from those things that are holding me Take the enemy And all his memories Deliver me, Deliverer

· Heart

Ezekiel 11:19-20 And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh: That they may walk in my statutes, and keep mine ordinances, and do them: and they shall be my people.

Psalm 51

I Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

Matthew 6:24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

· Mind

Ephesians 4:20-24 But ye have not so learned Christ; If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus: That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.

Romans 12:1-2 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Colossians 3:1-3 If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.

Philippians 4:5-9 Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

I Peter 13-16 Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance: But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

II Corinthians 10:3-6 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.

· Enemy (Devil or Satan)

II Corinthians 14 And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.

Revelation 12:9 And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.

Matthew 4:1 Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.

Ephesians 4:26-27 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.

I John 2:15-16 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

James 4:7-10 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

I Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

Before you answer the questions below I ask that you visit www.banap.net and read the page that opens up. There I write about my struggle with homosexuality, and some key understandings that were very helpful for me in overcoming homosexuality. More importantly there are quotes from those who self-identify as homosexual, they are writing acknowledging their belief that people are not born homosexuals. Therefore it is not who one is, a homosexual but rather it is homosexuality, what one does.

Also before continuing on with answering the questions below I ask that you think about the concepts of “change” and “healing”' that are often heard when discussing overcoming homosexuality. Homosexuality, along with many other things is a relationship issue. I want to talk about “replacing” those things that are harmful and unhealthy with those things that are more helpful and healthy for us. For in “replacing” there will be “change” and “healing”. The latter are not the goals, but the results of “replacing”. What we need to “replace” are not only the things we do or not do, but also what we believe and perceive about ourselves.

I want to further write some things that I found to be very beneficial in my overcoming homosexuality. Though you may not agree with the following comments, I ask that you be open minded and give them some thought and prayer.

I strongly emphasis in my life accepting personal responsibility for not only my acts, but also those things I believe. It was very difficult for me to begin to believe that I was not a “homosexual”, because I was allowing my feelings and emotions to strongly influence me. I struggled with the concepts of “healing” and “change” because implied in them is the idea that it is from “without” that something would come into my struggle with homosexuality and make the difference. This also allowed me to be somewhat passive in overcoming my struggle with homosexuality. Thus it resulted in allowing me to put the burden on this other from “without” for failing to impact my overcoming homosexuality. But as I begin to understand the concept of “replacing” it resulted in me recognizing that I must take a more active role in my overcoming homosexuality. More importantly it gave me greater control, as I took on more responsibility for my overcoming homosexuality, and thereby weakening the power of the brokenness/weakness in my life to lead and rule. The end result in this shift in my belief system was a very strong, powerful optimism and hopefulness that I would be victorious in overcoming homosexuality.

So when thinking about homosexuality and healing how do you answer the questions.

1) Who is the healer?

2) What is being healed?

3) How is one being healed?

4) What is healing of memories and/or emotions?

q Understanding and Overcoming

There are multiple pathways that may lead one into homosexuality. Likewise there will be multiple pathways in overcoming homosexuality. What one does, homosexuality or who one is, a homosexual. The case for the former is much stronger. The truth be told, the former is the truth. If you do not believe me, read what those advocating for homosexuality and those who self-identify as homosexuals write.

When answering these questions below there are three areas to think about.

1) Actual behavior, those things I do.

2) How I think, which includes my perceptions.

3) My feelings and emotions.

· Understanding

1) Where am I now?

2) How did I get here?

3) Where do I want to go?

· Overcoming

1) Can I? Yes

2) Should I? No But . . .

3) Do I really want to?

Understanding and Overcoming

Larry Houston — 2005-04-11T03:26:09Z

Understanding and Overcoming

There are multiple pathways that may lead one into homosexuality. Likewise there will be multiple pathways in overcoming homosexuality.

What one does, homosexuality or who one is, a homosexual. The case for the former is much stronger. The truth be told, the former is the truth. If you do not believe me, read what those advocating for homosexuality and those who self-identify as homosexuals write.

Also before continuing on with answering the questions below I ask that you think about the concepts of ‘change' and ‘healing' that are often heard when discussing overcoming homosexuality. Homosexuality, along with many other things is a relationship issue. I want to talk about ‘replacing' those things that are harmful and unhealthy with things that are more helpful and healthy for us. For in ‘replacing' there will be ‘change' and ‘healing'. The latter are not the goals, but the results of ‘replacing'. What need to be replaced are not only the things we do or not do, but also what we believe and perceive about ourselves.

I strongly emphasis in my life accepting personal responsibility for not only my acts, but also those things I believe. It was very difficult for me to begin to believe that I was not a “homosexual”, because I was allowing my feelings and emotions to strongly influence me. I struggled with the concepts of ‘healing' and ‘change' because implied in them is the idea that it is from “without” that something would come into my struggle with homosexuality and make the difference. It also allowed me to be somewhat passive in overcoming my struggle with homosexuality. Thus it resulted in allowing me to put the burden on this other from “without” for failing to impact my overcoming homosexuality. But as I begin to understand the concept of ‘replacing', it resulted in me recognizing that I must take a more active role in my overcoming homosexuality. More importantly it gave me greater control, as I took on more responsibility for my overcoming homosexuality, and thereby weakening the power of the brokenness/weakness in my life to lead and rule. The end result in this shift in my belief system was a very strong, powerful optimism and hopefulness that I would be victorious in overcoming homosexuality.

When answering these questions below there are three areas to think about.

1) Actual behavior, those things I do. 2) How I think, which includes my perceptions. 3) My feelings and emotions.

Understanding

Where am I at now?

How did I get here?

Where do I want to go?

Overcoming

Can I? Yes

Should I? No But . . .

Do I really want to?

Discrimination for being ex-gay

Larry Houston — 2004-02-15T07:00:00Z

Tolerance is often by those advocating for homosexuality just one of the many things they are seeking. That is tolerance for homosexuals. But there is one growing group of people that those advocating for homosexuality often do not show tolerance too, former homosexuals. At Harvard University where I am employed in Dining Services I came under investigation by three departments of Harvard after an article was published about me in the campus newspaper, The Harvard Crimson. These articles are available online.

I moved from Minneapolis, MN to Boston to help others wishing to overcome homosexuality in January of 2000. My move to Boston came after reading a prayer request in an October 1999 Exodus newsletter. Exodus is the umbrella organization of ministries and groups from across the United States helping others to overcome homosexuality. www.exodus-international.org In their October 1999 newsletter there was a prayer request for a ministry in Boston, because they were receiving many calls for help from Boston and there was no ministry. My first response was to tell God, “I am open to that.” But along with saying this, I had to admit a problem with “pride”. I would be the boss. I could do things my way. So I sought forgiveness for my sin of pride.

A second thing I told God was, that I would not move to Boston unless I could get a job at Harvard University as a cook. Then a third thing I told God in prayer was that I was not moving to Boston to be apart of an “ex-gay ghetto”. He had to surround me by other people not broken in the same way as I am. They would model and reflect what I need to grow and mature, while we will do the same for them. The week between Christmas and January 1st looking at the Boston Globe online, I found there were job openings for cooks at Harvard University. I sent a resume, but was unable to be hired over the phone. So I flew from Minneapolis for an interview on Martin Luther King Day and was told that I could start work in ten days. My employer in Minneapolis knew I was seeking other employment, which made it a little easier for me to accept a new job on such short notice. I flew back to Minneapolis and began making arrangements to move to Boston. In one week a friend subleased my apartment, I packed what I could in my car, giving the rest away and drove to Boston.

I arrived safely in Boston my belongings in my car; no place to live and starting work the last week of January 2000. Within one week I moved into a small apartment, which was cheaper then the one in Minneapolis and within walking distance of Harvard University. I now also help lead a ministry at Park Street Church, Alive in Christ, for those wishing to overcome homosexuality. God answered my third prayer request too; the other leaders of Alive in Christ are not former homosexuals.

My first month at Harvard I saw on a bulletin board an announcement for a series of discussions on being gay and being a Christian. I attended all of the discussions that were held over a five-week period. I actively took part in the discussions, respectively listening to the speakers and asking questions. Each week at the beginning of the discussion we were asked to introduce ourselves and tell why we came. I shared my name and that I cooked in the freshman dining hall. Also each week I spoke of being a former homosexual and coming to Boston to help others who wish to overcome a struggle with homosexuality. Through these discussions about being gay and being a Christian, one of the leaders who was a Harvard senior and I began to develop a friendship. Dave said he was gay and was a Christian. He knew I felt you could not be gay and be a Christian, but we both wanted to develop a friendship. Our friendship lasted for over a year. After graduation Dave remained in Boston being working for a consulting company. We have lost contact with one another after Dave moved to Los Angles, and begin working for a post-production movie studio. Also within the first month at Harvard I told my co-workers in the freshman dining hall that I had come to Boston to help others overcome homosexuality. But they did not ask and I did tell them that I was a former homosexual myself. They would find this out when my picture was on the cover of Fifteen Minutes, a weekly magazine published by the daily campus newspaper, The Harvard Crimson. Dave was also interviewed and spoke of our friendship in this article.

My co-workers asked to be one their union representatives, a shop steward in the freshman dining hall. A freshman student reporter approached me seeking information for an article about the contract negations between Harvard and their dining service employees. While helping with this newspaper article, I took the opportunity to tell the student reporter of being a former homosexual and coming to Boston to help others overcome homosexuality. He asked if I would be interviewed for another article to be published in The Harvard Crimson, and we began working on a future article. The article was published in September of 2001. www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=121324 As a result of this article I came under investigation by three departments of Harvard University. Members of the United Ministries Department who were investigating me was also apart of and speakers for the February 2000 discussions about being gay and being a Christian. The United Ministries Department oversees the Christian student groups at Harvard University. The United Ministry Department included staff and faculty of Harvard, pastors of Memorial Chapel the Harvard University church and they were also homosexuals themselves. I was never contacted by the United Ministries Department as part of their investigation of me, but we had met as apart of a five-week series of discussions fifteen months earlier. I took an active part in the discussions and after the discussions each week I would introduce myself personally to the United Ministries staff that led some of the discussions. Details of these investigations may be found in this Harvard Crimson article. http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=121737 A third article was published in the Harvard Crimson concerning the investigations of me. I was never contacted by the Freshman Dean's office or anyone in Dining Services as apart these investigations. But the student newspaper reporter continued to contact me for information written in his newspaper articles. This third article may be read online. http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=160808 An additional article about these investigations may be read online at www.boundless.org/2001/features/a0000552.html Because of these investigations by Harvard University I was invited to Washington DC to help lobby members of Congress. I was a member of group of ex-gays and others from PFOX, Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays. The Harvard Crimson published an article of this trip at www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=348144The intolerance expressed to me, in these so-called investigations after a newspaper article resulted not in quieting an opposing view, but rather exposed what will surely continue to increase. Attempts by those advocating for homosexuality seek to have just one side of a deeply dividing issue expressed. My experience reveals that they only wish to express the view of tolerance for the acceptance of homosexuality.

Larry's Story

Larry Houston — 2004-01-15T07:00:00Z

Larry's Story

I grew up on a small family farm in western Illinois, in a family with seven children. I have an identical twin brother and he has never struggled with homosexuality. Our father had a problem with alcohol, was unfaithful as a husband to his wife and was an absent father in the lives of his children. When I was in college our parents divorced and dad was forced to quit farming. I still feel that I had a pretty normal and uneventful childhood, but the choices I made and the things I did certainly had consequences. Although homosexuality has been a big part of my life, I am very grateful I was never a part what is usually called the “homosexual lifestyle.” For me the biggest struggle has been in believing I was a homosexual. Although there have been a small number of same-sex sexual encounters with others. I talk about four events that led me into the bondage homosexuality and freedom from homosexuality. I hope as you read about them, you will keep into perspective that homosexuality is a relationship issue. The need for same-sex intimacy cannot be met in physical sexual acts. They are an illegitimate way of meeting the legitimate need for same-sex intimacy.

The two events in my childhood that I feel strongly influenced my belief I was a homosexual are typical in the lives of many other males who struggle with homosexuality. The first is a failure to bond with the same-sex parent, and results in a young boy from a very age feeling that they are different from other boys. I cannot say this, but there was a point in time at about ten years of age that I made this vow to myself. “I would not be like that man.” That man was my father, who was unfaithful as a husband to his wife and was an absent father in the lives of his children. In willfully rejecting my father as a man, I chose to cut myself off from what should be the most influential man in a young boy's life. The bonding in the relationship between a father and his son is very important. And perhaps this is the most important relationship in the lives of all boys and continues throughout their entire life, the relationship between a father and his son. This is the man who is to role model and teaches the young boy what it means to grow into manhood. In this relationship the boy learns how to build relationships with other men, women and as an adult to his own wife and children.

A second event was an early and inappropriate sexual activity. This too is typical in the lives of many who struggle with homosexuality. No one can deny the pleasure of sex. These pleasures may be experienced with members of both sexes. Our bodies will respond to sexual cues and stimuli from members of the same sex. The question that needs to be asked is not, “can I do this?” But rather it is, “should I do this?” For the young boy who is struggling with other relationship issues sexual activity with a member of the same sex, whether it is voluntary with peers or forced upon him by others who are of whatever age is very damaging. For in them the young boy is experiencing an illegitimate way of meeting the legitimate need for same-sex intimacy. The adolescent male body naturally responds to sexual stimuli be it mental, visual, or physical. This natural response is especially confusing and harmful when it is a part of sexual abuse. In my life sexual activity was voluntary with peers around the age of 12, lasting only a few months and in a small number of encounters. But they were very damaging in that they partially fulfilled my needs for same-sex intimacy, but in an illegitimate way. These two events in my childhood are the roots of that which later became a struggle with homosexuality.

The two events in my life as an adult that led me to freedom from the bondage of homosexuality were seeking help to overcome my struggle with homosexuality and the response of friends to my struggle with homosexuality. While living in southern California in the late 1980s I was a part of support group program for men and women trying to overcome homosexuality. I was living and working at a Christian camp and the program was through a church. But what I feel needs to be emphasized is that I did not tell friends that I was asking for help to overcome my own personal struggle with homosexuality. My friends thought I was the one offering support to others to overcome homosexuality. By not telling friends I failed to allow them into the part my life that was reflected in who I thought I was a homosexual. My struggle with homosexuality although not known by many others affected my life, it was manifested in my relationships with others. It could be seen that at times I was an angry, bitter, and cold person. I allowed others to enter into fairly shallow relationships with me. My life could be seen as motivated by a “performance mentality.” It was measured by what I did for others and not what I allowed others to do for me. Larry was a nice guy, but he would not allow others to respond in like matter. More importantly I internally rejected many of those ways that others attempted to express kindness towards me. My relationships where experienced in a one-way nature, Larry manifested relationship toward others by performance and not the give and take of healthy relationships. I cannot deny the help I was receiving from this support group program, but I limited it to those who were broken in the same way as I was. I did not make myself vulnerable to others not broken in the same way as I was, so I was not applying what I was learning.

A second event took place as a result homosexual activity on my part. I was expelled from a small Lutheran seminary with one semester to go before graduation because of homosexual activity my first year, A classmate reported to the seminary of my homosexual activity the first year. Finally at the age of 36 I placed myself in a position of vulnerability, telling some good friends of my struggle with homosexuality. Their response was of unwavering acceptance. But for me, my response was one of doubt and frustration. In their response they separated the person from the behavior, and this was one thing I had never been able to do myself. I had always thought of myself as a homosexual. After being informed in a morning meeting by the seminary of my dismissal, I spent the afternoon telling six good friends of my dismissal. After telling these six men why I was expelled from seminary, each of them had the same thing to say, word for word, as their very first comments in response to my story. In some aspects this was very unnerving, but exactly what I needed to get my attention. Their words were. “Larry I know you have a problem Larry you are not a homosexual.” All six friends without any thought on their part told me these two statements, word for word. I cannot say there was an instant change in my life, where I no longer struggled with homosexuality. But this was an instrumental change and key to leading me where I am today. It was a beginning of a process of growth and maturity in how I related to myself and to others. This change has resulted, as I have finally understood the critical distinction. It is not who one is, a homosexual but what one does, homosexuality.

I hope as you had read about these four events in my life that you have been able to keep into perspective that homosexuality is a relationship issue. The need for same-sex intimacy cannot be met in physical sexual acts. They are an illegitimate way of meeting the legitimate need for same-sex intimacy. Same-sex intimacy is more then the sum total of emotions and physical acts. Intimacy between members of the same sex results from interacting in healthy and appropriate ways for building relationship.